In the fast-paced world we live in, it’s easy to prioritize everything — except ourselves. Between work deadlines, family commitments, social obligations, and endless to-do lists, our own wellbeing often takes a back seat. It’s a familiar story: "I'll take care of myself once I finish this project, once the kids are settled, or once things slow down."
But here’s the truth — things never really "slow down." And if you keep putting yourself last, you risk burnout, health issues, and emotional exhaustion. Prioritizing wellbeing isn't selfish; it's essential. But why is it so hard to focus on our own wellbeing? And how can we break free from this cycle?
Why We Always Put Ourselves Last
Despite knowing the benefits of self-care and wellbeing, many people still struggle to prioritize themselves. Here are some of the key reasons why:
1. The "Helper Syndrome"
Many people — especially parents, caregivers, and leaders — fall into the trap of believing their role is to serve others first. They feel a sense of duty to family, friends, colleagues, and teams, believing they must be "available" at all times. This is particularly true for parents who prioritize their children’s needs over their own.
The Mindset: "If I don’t do it, no one else will."
But the reality is, constantly giving to others without replenishing your own energy leads to burnout. Just like the oxygen mask rule on airplanes, you can’t help others if you don’t take care of yourself first.
2. The Guilt Complex
Society has conditioned us to believe that self-care is selfish. If you rest, take a mental health day, or prioritize your health, you might feel guilty for "not doing enough." For parents, this guilt is amplified, as there’s a perception that "good parents" sacrifice themselves for their kids.
The Mindset: "If I take time for myself, I’m neglecting my responsibilities."
The truth is, self-care is not selfish — it's essential. Recharging your mind and body allows you to show up as a better parent, partner, employee, and friend. When you’re well-rested and mentally strong, you can give more to those who need you.
3. The Culture of Busyness
In today's society, being "busy" is seen as a status symbol. If you’re not hustling or juggling multiple responsibilities, it can feel like you’re falling behind. This leads people to overwork themselves, thinking they need to "earn" rest.
The Mindset: "I’ll rest when I’m done with everything on my to-do list."
But the to-do list never ends. There will always be one more task, one more deadline, or one more problem to solve. Waiting until "everything is done" before focusing on your wellbeing means you’ll never get there. The key is to schedule wellbeing as a non-negotiable part of your daily routine — not something you do after everything else is complete.
4. Lack of Boundaries
When you say "yes" to everyone else, you’re essentially saying "no" to yourself. Whether it’s accepting extra work, taking on family obligations, or constantly being available for friends, you drain your emotional and physical energy. Without clear boundaries, people feel entitled to your time.
The Mindset: "If I don’t say yes, I’ll disappoint them."
But every "yes" to others is a "no" to you. Boundaries protect your time, energy, and mental health. By setting limits, you preserve your wellbeing and avoid feeling overburdened.
5. Perfectionism and People-Pleasing
Perfectionists are often their own worst critics. They push themselves to meet unrealistic standards, believing that their worth is tied to their productivity. Similarly, people-pleasers seek external validation and approval from others, making it difficult to prioritize their own needs.
The Mindset: "If I don’t do it perfectly, I’m a failure."
This all-or-nothing thinking prevents self-care because you convince yourself that if you can’t do it perfectly (like going to the gym daily or meditating for 30 minutes), it’s not worth doing at all. But small steps count. Even 5 minutes of self-care can have a significant impact on your wellbeing.
The Consequences of Putting Yourself Last
When you prioritize everything else above your own wellbeing, you pay the price in several ways:
Burnout: Prolonged stress with no recovery time leads to emotional exhaustion, reduced motivation, and physical health problems.
Declining Physical Health: Poor nutrition, lack of sleep, and neglecting exercise can lead to weight gain, heart issues, and reduced immunity.
Emotional Disconnection: When you’re constantly "on," you become emotionally numb, detached from your loved ones, and unable to enjoy life's simple pleasures.
Reduced Self-Worth: Over time, you start to believe that your needs don’t matter, which can harm your self-esteem and confidence.
How to Prioritize Your Own Wellbeing (Without Feeling Guilty)
If you’ve spent years putting yourself last, it can feel uncomfortable to shift focus. But self-care is not a luxury — it’s a survival tool. Here are practical steps to prioritize your wellbeing:
1. Reframe Self-Care as a Necessity, Not a Reward
Instead of viewing self-care as something you "earn" after finishing your to-do list, treat it as a daily essential. Just like eating or sleeping, self-care should be part of your routine. Schedule it into your calendar and honor that time.
Example: Block off 30 minutes a day for exercise, reflection, or quiet time — even if it means saying "no" to other commitments.
2. Set Boundaries and Protect Your Time
Start saying "no" more often. You don’t have to justify or explain your boundaries to anyone. When you protect your time, you regain control of your schedule.
Example: Tell your boss, "I can take on this project, but I’ll need to move one of my current tasks to a later deadline."
3. Start Small and Build Momentum
You don’t need to overhaul your entire life. Small, consistent actions are more powerful than big, unsustainable changes. Instead of aiming for a 60-minute workout, start with 10 minutes. Instead of meditating for 30 minutes, start with 5.
Example: Begin each morning with a 2-minute gratitude reflection. Over time, you can expand it to 10 minutes of mindfulness.
4. Eliminate the Guilt with a Mindset Shift
When you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself, ask: “If I burn out, who will take care of the people I love?” You’ll quickly realize that taking care of yourself allows you to care for others more effectively.
Example: If you’re a parent, remind yourself that modeling self-care teaches your kids the value of self-respect and mental health.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day or struggle to stay consistent. Self-care isn't about perfection — it's about progress. Be kind to yourself.
Example: If you miss a morning workout, simply reschedule it later in the week. Don't quit entirely just because of one missed session.
The Power of Prioritizing Your Wellbeing
When you prioritize your wellbeing, you:
Recharge Your Energy: Instead of operating on fumes, you’ll feel more energized and focused.
Strengthen Relationships: You’ll have more patience and empathy for others.
Achieve More: With better mental clarity and energy, you’ll accomplish more in less time.
Experience Fulfillment: Life feels more meaningful when you’re present and aligned with your purpose.
Final Thoughts
Putting yourself last may feel noble, but it’s not sustainable. Wellbeing is not something you "earn" — it’s something you deserve. If you want to be a better parent, partner, employee, or leader, start by taking care of yourself.
Self-care isn't selfish; it’s a strategy for survival, growth, and success. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” So fill your cup. Prioritize your wellbeing, not just for yourself but for everyone you care for.
Because when you’re at your best, everyone around you benefits.
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