Emotional intelligence, as defined by social scientist and researcher, Daniel Goleman, is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions, and it’s the ability to recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is comprised of four components: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. They’re all important when it comes to mastering the art and science of leadership.
Great leaders seek to understand how their own emotions (self-awareness) and thoughts can impact those around them. They seek to understand how to control their own actions and reactions in certain situations, so they don’t negatively impact the moods, dispositions, and emotions of those around them (self-management). They also seek to understand how others around them—especially those they lead—think and feel, and they customize their messages to meet others where they are in order to connect, inspire, and influence behavior (social awareness). Finally, great leaders bring self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness together to effectively manage relationships with and among their teams.
Perhaps the one common thread which seems to be woven throughout each component is an ever-powerful leadership skill: empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Empathy isn’t about agreeing. It’s simply about understanding. And, a big part of understanding and perceiving how others are thinking and feeling is the ability to read emotional cues.
“People who read others well are trained to read the invisible. They’ve learned to utilize what I call their ‘super-senses;’ to look further than where you usually put your attention to access life-changing intuitive insights.”
—Judith Orloff, The Empath’s Survival Guide
How can you read body language to understand how your team feels?
These proven tactics will allow you to read body language to practice empathy. By using empathy, you can understand how your team members feel. When you understand how your team members feel, you can temper, customize, and strategically craft your messages and conversations so that you personally connect with your team and take them to the next level.
Eye movement
Looking at you directly or looking away indicates attention
Looking down signals discomfort
Pupil dilation is a sign of focus
Blinking rate gives away what is happening internally
Glancing at something indicates desire
Looking upward to the right (imagination) or left (recalling a memory) means different things
People’s mouths
Smiles (genuine, fake, and half) tell you everything
Watch for the initial grimace
Tight versus relaxed lips indicate their attitude
Covering the mouth or touching the lips while speaking is a red flag
Lip biting is a sign of worry, stress, or anxiousness
Head movement
How quickly they nod indicates patience
Tilting the head sideways (interest) or backward (suspicion) mean different things
Where their head is turned toward or facing indicates what or who interests them the most
Feet
People position their feet toward those they are interested in
Crossed legs indicate a need for privacy
Hand movements
Hands in their pockets could mean deception
Hands on their hips imply an attempt to exert dominance
Hands behind their back could suggest boredom or anxiousness
Unconsciously pointing in a person’s direction means an affinity towards them
Holding an object between themselves and the other person is a sign of discomfort
A clenched fist indicates controlled anger or frustration
Fidgeting or tapping fingers could mean they are bored or impatient
Arms
Arms crossed is a blocking gesture
Resting the elbow on a table to use one hand to support the head indicates listening; whereas using both hands to support the head with both elbows on the table implies boredom
Create harmony in our organization and connect with your teams by observing and understanding how other people feel in certain situations. When we practice empathy like this, we continue to move the organization forward in a positive direction, creating a positive atmosphere in the process.
Ultimately, empathy allows us to take appropriate action while taking others’ feelings and perspectives into account as we make decisions and lead forward. Remember, your goal as a leader is to seek to understand before you seek to be understood.
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