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Self-Management - Managing your actions, thoughts and feelings

Self-Management, or self-regulation, can be defined as the ability to manage one’s actions, thoughts, and feelings in flexible ways to get the desired results. Optimal self-regulation contributes to a sense of well-being, a sense of self-efficacy or confidence, and a sense of connectedness to others. The goal is for a self-regulating individual to be able to take his or her emotional responses as cues for both action and coping effectively in relationships.

It is important to have an understanding of self-awareness first in order for this to be possible. Emotions can swamp the brain causing feelings of frustration and overwhelming thoughts. This is due to what Goleman (1995) calls an “amygdala hijack”. The amygdala is the area in the brain that is the center for the emotions and emotional behavior. This area of the brain goes into overdrive causing high activity causing us to focus and obsess about whatever is causing our distress. It makes it very difficult to be able to think about anything else.

For example, you are working with your fellow teen leaders on planning an upcoming camp. Another counselor takes credit for your idea when sharing with the group. You get so focused on the unfairness of this that you miss what was said in the rest of the planning session.


The goal of self-management is to be able to recognize these feeling as a hijack and bring the brain back to mental clarity and concentration to the task at hand.


It is important to learn strategies to allow your brain to do this before responding to the negative emotions.


Reference: Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence.

Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2002). Primal Leadership: Realizing the Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Salovey, P. & Mayer, J. D. (1997). Emotional Development and Emotional Intelligence.

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