Here are some things you can try on your own when going through a tough time:
Take note of your feelings around the circumstance. List them out, and try to be as specific as possible. You may feel anxious, or worried, or disappointed, or discouraged. for example. These are normal emotions to experience when hardship arises. And don't identify with the emotions as if they are you. Instead of saying, "I am angry", try, "I feel angry."
Tune into your self-talk about the adversity. Write down some of the common phrases you tell yourself, i.e., "I can't do anything to change this", or "Anything I say or do will make it worse", or, "I always fail at this", or, "I may as well stop trying." If you're not sure of what your self-talk is telling you, ask a trusted friend (who knows you well) what you tend to say out loud when times get tough.
Notice how this self-talk influences your beliefs about the issue, or how you interpret the situation. What beliefs have you stamped upon the situation as a result of your self-talk? You may be deciding things such as, "This is bad", "This can't be fixed", "I should quit", etc.
Challenge those beliefs. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it is true. What if, "This isn't bad?", or "This CAN be fixed", or "I should keep trying" could be true? Imagine how it might change things if you chose not to act on your fixed beliefs. If you have a hard time imagining another perspective, try the next step.
Talk to a friend. Sometimes it is extremely helpful to get perspective from someone who is not in the middle of the situation. Find a counselor, therapist, friend, or trusted colleague to talk to. Share your beliefs and ask them to help you see things from an alternate perspective.
Get unstuck. Easier said than done, I know. But understand that pessimistic explanations result in passivity and dejection, where optimistic explanations energize you into action. If you are feeling stuck, try putting a positive twist on the situation, with thoughts/words such as, "This issue is really tough, and I don't like it -- but how could I turn it around for good?" Look for evidence to dispute your negative beliefs. Then, take a step in the new direction, no matter how small of a step it is.
Remind yourself the sky is not falling! It's easy to take a situation you deem negative and blow it out of proportion without realizing it. You'll know you're there if you find yourself thinking, "Everything is bad!", or, "I have always felt this way" (when that comes as a shift from previously feeling positive toward that same thing.). Watch for "always" and "never" language and black and white thinking.
Remember the good ole' days. When things seem overwhelming, it's good to reflect on times then you did NOT feel this way. Don't forget that feelings, though real, are fleeting. They come and go. Think back on times when you WERE able to navigate a tough situation, and remember how you got through it. Remember times when you did feel happier, and less stressed, reminding yourself that this current negative feeling is temporary, not permanent.
Be solution oriented. OK, so this is tough. Of course it is. And, there are ways to move forward. What is one thing you could try to day to shift your mindset? Maybe it is making a call to a friend, or a therapist. Maybe it is examining your emotions and noting why you are feeling triggered. Come up with some steps you could take to add some positive vibes into your current way of thinking. One simple way is to make healthy choices when it comes to eating, sleeping, and having fun -- in the middle of the trial. What else?
What else? What helps you move to a more optimistic mindset when you face hard times? Please share your solutions in the comments below.
"Choose to be optimistic, it feels better." – Dalai Lama XIV
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