Author and TED speaker, Elizabeth Lesser states that 'You don't have to wait for a life-or-death situation to clean up the relationships that matter to you, be like a new kind of first responder... the one to take the first courageous step toward the other.'
When Lesser was a midwife, she learned many lessons. One of which was that every single newborn baby she helped bring into the world had a unique spark. She likens this spark to the 'soul' in her TED talk and says she observed that newborn babies bare their soul and unique sense of self unapologetically because they don't know any better.
Lesser then goes onto explain that as we get older, this spark tends to fade because as we're exposed to the world, social norms, family, friends, and cultures, we start to want to hide our 'soul' and tuck what makes us uniquely ourselves away from the rest of the world. While this is often something we inadvertently do to protect ourselves, it can result in a general lack of authenticity in the world, diminishing our overall human experience.
When we hide our authentic selves from the world, who we are and what truly matters to us becomes buried beneath responsibilities, insecurities, and things that make up this 'hamster wheel' of life. Lesser cites Albert Einstein to support her argument and states that when we say our truth and uncover our 'soul', we're stripped of all those external layers and for a moment, are forced to step off of this wheel and enter of state of 'simply being' – a state that Einstein described as one of 'sacred awe'.
We know what you're thinking: That all sounds very idealistic and artfully spiritual, but how does it translate to the everyday life of the average person?
To put it simply: Saying our truth and uncovering our authentic selves is as simple as speaking from the heart, swallowing our egos, and sacrificing things like 'winning' to make room for things that really matter to us.
The real-life example Lesser gives in her talk is her relationship with her sister. Lesser and her sister's rocky relationship was thrown for a loop when her sister was diagnosed with blood cancer and required a bone marrow transplant. Lesser was a perfect match but there was still a risk of her sister's body attacking or rejecting the donated cells, risks that Lesser recognised within their relationship. Lesser and her sister didn't talk about the deeper things in life before faced with this challenge. There was a long history of attacking in their relationship, there was rejection, and there was a lack of sharing their truths, admitting their wrongdoings, and sharing what had hurt them. Before Lesser would feel comfortable sharing her cells with her sister, she first wanted to share her truth.
Lesser and her sister attended therapy together where they communicated truthfully, aired their grievances, and saw each other's authentic selves for the first time since they were children. It ultimately repaired their relationship and filled the final year of Lesser's sister's life with moments where the two women would step off the hamster wheel and simply be together. Despite it physically being one of the hardest times she'd ever been through, with hospital rooms and pain, Lesser's sibling described it as the best year of her life:
'My sister said the year after transplant was the best year of her life, which was surprising. She suffered so much. But she said life never tasted as sweet, and that because of the soul-baring and the truth-telling we had done with each other, she became more unapologetically herself with everyone. She said things she'd always needed to say. She did things she always wanted to do.'
Lesser implores her audience and readers to start sharing their truths and seeking truth in others now, rather than waiting for life-or-death circumstances. When we reveal our authentic selves to one another, we become more connected, more empathetic, and more equipped to step away from the hamster wheel of life and exist in the now. We have the potential to repair our relationships with our family, our friends, our partners, and ourselves, ultimately bettering our human experience and making the most of the time we have with the people who matter.
#integrity #emotionalintelligence #selfawareness #growthmindset #selfdevelopment #personaldevelopment
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