SET UP
You first ask what the definition of empathy is. They will come up with it. Next you say, “Imagine that you are all supervisors of about 12-15 people and that two of them – with equal track record – are about 45 minutes late on some Wednesday morning. Being the supervisor you decide to find out the reason for their being late. This is what you hear.
FIRST PERSON’S STORY “I don’t know if you know or not but my spouse is in the hospital – has appendicitis. So I’m taking care of the kids for now. I had gotten the two older ones off to school and was about to take the toddler to daycare when the baby threw up on me. This really scared me and I had to make sure the kid was OK and clean us both up. That is why I am 45 minutes late today.”
SECOND PERSON’S STORY “Ahh, last night I was out and I met the person of my dreams. We got along so great it was hard to believe, just wonderful. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. We talked for hours, watched the moon and the planets, had a little champagne and danced in the back of the pick-up truck. Before I knew it, it was 4:00 AM and I slept through two alarms clocks. This is why I am 45 minutes late today.”
DEBRIEF
Of course you can take this to a lot of places. I ask in which scenario they had the most empathy. Mostly the consensus is with the first case. Usually because that person (note that I keep the language gender neutral) didn’t have control over the kid getting sick etc. Others may counter that finding the person of your dreams is a big event in one’s life, and deserves some measure of consideration as well. From there you can make the important points about empathy.
IMPORTANT POINTS
Definitions of empathy:
To perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person, but without ever losing the "as if'' condition. Thus, it means to sense the hurt or the pleasure of another as he senses it and to perceive the causes thereof as he perceives them, but without ever losing the recognition that it is as if I were hurt or pleased and so forth. (Carl Rogers)
A sense of similarity in feelings experienced by the self and the other, without confusion between the two individuals. (Jean Decety).
The capacity to know emotionally what another is experiencing from within the frame of reference of that other person, the capacity to sample the feelings of another or to put oneself in another’s shoes. (D. M. Berger).
To empathize means to share, to experience the feelings of another person. (R. R. Greenson)
Distinction between empathy and other concepts: Sympathy is, “I’m sorry for your sadness, I wish to help.” Pity is, “Things are bad for you, you seem as though you need help.”
Emotional contagion is, “You feel sad and now I feel sad.” Empathy is, “I feel your sadness.” Apathy is, “I don’t care how you feel.” Telepathy is, “I read your sadness without you expressing it to me in any normal way.”
Three Stages of Empathetic Maturity (Olsen, 2001)
Stage 1 – This most primitive pattern and not common in adults. Persons at this stage see others as fundamentally different from themselves. The rationale for another's actions, feelings, or thoughts are not experienced as having human relevance in the sense that one’s own rationale does. Those operating at this stage perceive mutuality with others concretely.
Stage 2 – People at Stage 2 hold that their own rationale for behavior is valid for everyone. Therefore, reasons for behaviors and feelings are legitimate only to the degree they coincide with the person at Stage 2. Unlike Stage 1, the Stage 2 person sees others like him or her so long as they make sense of their world the same way. Therefore, positive regard for a sufferer perceived to be participating in negative behaviors is difficult for the Stage 2 person unless the behavior is explicable from his or her point of view. An example of such negative behavior would be AIDS as the result of sex practices not condoned by the Stage 2 observer. If the Stage 2 person believes the sufferer is responsible for the behavior, he or she will have no empathy. If the Stage 2 person can detect an acceptable reason why the sufferer is not actually responsible, for example, illness resulting from blood transfusion, beyond the sufferer's control, then empathy emerges. Whether empathy and compassion occurs depends on the individual’s value judgments and understanding of what caused the suffering. Most of society operates at Stage 2.
Stage 3 – At this stage, empathy occurs prior to and without regard for any judgment about the person's behavior. The other is perceived as human in the same way the self is experienced as human. The perception of another person as responsible for a problem no longer has the power to hinder the development of empathy. If the sufferer is seen as responsible, there is no longer any need to mitigate that responsibility as a method for allowing empathy. A hallmark of Stage 3 is a person's ability to perceive another empathetically while simultaneously and without apparent contradiction perceiving that other as responsible for problematic behavior.
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