Empathy is the ability to relate to others' emotions, thoughts and experiences. Often confused with sympathy (when we feel sorry or pity for another's misfortune), empathy goes deeper - it's about truly understanding another person's situation from their perspective by placing yourself in their shoes and feeling what they are feeling.
Why empathise?
"If there is any great secret of success in life, it lies in the ability to put yourself in the other person's place and to see things from his point of view - as well as your own." - Henry Ford
Empathy is increasingly acknowledged as a key business skill. We need it to resolve conflict, win business, keep customers, handle complaints and develop solutions. As Jason Boyers, writing in Forbes online, states: "Though the concept of empathy might contradict the modern concept of a traditional workplace - competitive, cutthroat and with employees climbing over each other to reach the top - the reality is that for business leaders to experience success, they need to not just see or hear the activity around them, but also relate to the people they serve."
And, according to the Centre for Creative Leadership: "Leaders today need to be more person-focused and be able to work with those not just in the next cubicle, but also with those in other buildings or other countries."
Emotional intelligence expert Daniel Goleman also believes empathy is vital to leadership development today. In a Harvard Business Review article entitled 'What Makes a Leader', Goleman outlines three reasons why empathy is so important:
The increasing use of teams;
The rapid pace of globalisation; and
The growing need to retain talent.
Empathy is an important skill for people in any position; however, leaders, in particular, stand to gain from developing deep empathy. Leaders with high levels of empathy "...use their knowledge to improve their companies in subtle but important ways." In other words, they consider their employees' feelings, along with other factors, to make intelligent, informed decisions.
Understanding someone's situation, perspective, motivations and needs enables leaders to provide that person with the support they need. It allows them to deal with any challenges they may be facing, or that may be holding them back. In addition, the more leaders know and can relate to their team members, the more effectively they can adapt their leadership style according to the person they are dealing with.
The premise is simple really - the better people know and understand each other, the better they will work together. Empathy helps leaders become more liked and respected, which fosters better, more trusting relationships. As a result, colleagues and team members feel more valued: motivation is high and performance and productivity improve.
Traits of highly empathic people
People who are described as empathic share a number of characteristics, which can be developed over time. An empathic person:
Uses active listening techniques, and is completely focused on the person/people they are talking to;
Is skilled at interpreting body language and non-verbal signals;
Has a high degree of social and emotional intelligence;
Asks probing, in-depth questions;
Has a good imagination;
Is self-aware and acknowledges their own emotions;
Is curious and takes a genuine interest in others;
Embraces diversity and difference; and
is non-judgmental.
"You never truly know someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes." Native American proverb
How to become more empathic
"Empathy is intuitive, but is also something you can work on, intellectually." Tim Minchin
You may think that some people are innately more empathic than others; that it's a natural trait that can't be taught. However, with time and effort, it is possible to learn how to develop empathy. Here are five simple ways to practice being more empathic:
1. Try to take advantage of opportunities to engage with people who are different from you whenever you can. This could be as simple as spending time with another team or department within your organisation, or talking to someone you never would normally. We all have different ways of working, different ways of relating, different ways of making decisions etc. It's much easier to empathise with someone who has similar preferences to you. It's much harder, however, to empathise when there are clear differences.
2. Ask questions to create personal connections. Show an interest in the people you meet, whether at work, or at networking or social events, by asking them about themselves and their life outside work - their hobbies and interests, their families, their aspirations etc. Then remember what they've said so you can use this to kick off conversations next time you meet. Improve your recall skills by practicing memory techniques, such as mnemonics.
3. Practice active listening. Try to listen without interrupting. Check your understanding of what is being said by clarifying and questioning, building on what others have said and summarising or paraphrasing to deepen your understanding. And give people your full attention - stay focused, and don't check social media, your email messages, or your watch.
4. Learn how to interpret body language and non-verbal signals. Familiarise yourself with basic signals such as tone of voice, posture, gestures and eye contact and look out for them in your interactions. This guide should help you get started. Practise this at work; for example, in meetings, try not to focus solely on the words people are saying. Pay attention to people's body language and how they say things, to get a deeper understanding of the message they are trying to put across.
5. Consider taking up a hobby or class, such as a book group or a creative writing class, that involves understanding the motivations and feelings of characters. Or, if it's more up your street, why not join an acting class or your local amateur dramatic group? Actors have to empathise with their characters and understand their motivation to give a convincing performance - what would they say/how would they feel/what would they do in a given situation?
Apply these principles to the people you interact with - try to put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself: how do you think they are feeling? What is their 'story'? What's their motivation?
Summary
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." Atticus Finch, To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
Developing empathy takes a certain degree of effort and focus. It's not always easy to understand why people think or feel the way they do. However, leaders who take the time to empathise with others can reap the tangible benefits that these deeper relationships bring: higher morale, better retention, improved collaboration, happy clients and increased performance and productivity, leading to all-round greater business success.
Reference: Jason M. Boyers, 'Why Empathy is the Force that Moves Business Forward'. http://www.forbes.com/sites/ashoka/2013/05/30/why-empathy-is-the-force-that-moves-business-forward
Centre for Creative Leadership, 'Empathy in the Workplace'.
Daniel Goleman, 'What Makes a Leader?' Harvard Business Review
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