Conflict Management
Effectively negotiating and resolving disagreements
People with this competence:
Are able to handle difficult individuals and groups of people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact;
Spot potential conflict, bring disagreements into the open, and help de-escalate;
Encourage debate and open discussion;
Draw out all parties, understand the differing perspectives, and find a common ideal that everyone can endorse;
Orchestrate win-win solutions
People lacking this competency:
Are uncomfortable with and tend to avoid conflict;
Lack consideration and tact when voicing disagreement; in fact, often present their arguments in a way that creates hostility;
Fail to listen to others’ points of view when disagreement arises;
Cannot seem to find, see, or propose areas of common ground; tend to focus solely and robustly on their own point of view;
Tend to see others as “opponents” and try to find solutions that serve only themselves;
Fail to see what part they may play in creating a problem; blame the problem and the conflict on others
Development tips:
When in conflict or heated discussion, become self-aware, in the moment, and focus on the issues rather than personal matters. “Separate the people from the problem”;
Ask: what can I say or do that will make this a more productive conversation?
Don’t avoid conflict – it lingers (even festers) and will need to be dealt with sooner or later, and sooner is better and creates fewer hard feelings;
Be willing to change perspectives and consider a wider range of alternatives and options; resist digging in your heels or putting up walls.
Examine your intent when negotiating; deliver your message in a way that doesn’t create hostility and preserves the other person’s dignity (no put-downs, no make-wrongs);
Be creative, brainstorm, invent options for mutual gain (“expand the pie”)
Insist on using data or some objective criteria to reach resolution, not emotion
Be aware of the other person’s emotions in the conflict – they may be feeling angry or fearful.
You will get your point across better if you can be responsive to their needs.
Bring in a neutral third party if the conflict cannot be resolved.
Great Resources:
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, by Roger Fisher and William Ury.
Hostage at the Table, by George Kohlrieser
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan & Al Switzler
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