Listening deeply and openly and sending clear, credible and convincing messages
People with this competence:
Are effective in give-and-take, registering emotional cues in attuning their message;
Deal with difficult issues straightforwardly;
Listen well, seek mutual understanding, and welcome sharing of information fully;
Foster open communication and stay receptive to bad news as well as good;
Communicate clearly, and in a logical, organized manner;
Speak effectively in front of large groups; and
Listen to feedback without becoming defensive.
People lacking this competency:
Fail to listen, interrupt, and find fault with what others say;
Are difficult to connect with, are unapproachable and others may prefer to avoid bringing them news;
Tend to communicate with ridicule, threats or emotional outbursts;
Lack consideration and tact when expressing opinions;
Fail to ask others for their opinions;
Are unwilling to change their opinions;
May express their ideas or opinions in a dogmatic manner; and
Are unable to establish rapport with others.
Development tips:
Approach people in a positive manner; be open to and verbally welcome their ideas and opinions;
Build bridges of understanding and cooperation; seek out common interests and goals and speak to those;
Listen for and customize your communication to the needs of other individuals (i.e., if they need data to make a decision, let them take the time they need to become comfortable with the data; if they need to be acknowledged, recognize them);
Ask a lot of open-ended, unbiased, neutral questions that lead the conversation in a positive direction;
Seek first to understand what the other person is saying; ask questions to clarify; repeat back and paraphrase what you think you heard; convey that you have heard them (they won’t hear you until you do);
Maintain composure, keep your communication constructive, convey your intent to help and support and not diminish, put down or make the other person wrong;
Communicate clearly and completely; plan your messages ahead of time to ensure the best delivery and reception; and
Express appreciation often and with genuine sincerity.
Quotes:
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire and judgment – and, for a moment at least, existing for the other person.” - Michael P. Nichols
“It’s good to shut up sometimes.” - Marcel Marceau
Great Resources:
Just Listen: The Secret of Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, by Mark Goulston, M.D. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time, by Susan Scott
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