Thirteen great ways to destroy your reputation!
The way you are perceived by your colleagues, clients and peers is crucial to your career development. Want to make sure you never progress? Follow these simple steps to bring your career to a grinding halt!
1. Pretend you know more than you do
Whatever the topic, behave like an expert. Offer your ill-considered opinions as fact, whenever possible. This is especially effective if talking to experts on the subject.
2. Exaggerate
Make a bigger deal of everything! Whether it’s how long you were in a meeting or how late you had to work, be sure nobody takes your stories seriously.
3. Underdress
Whatever the expected dress code, make sure you’re a step below it. Formal atmosphere? Go smart casual. Smart casual the norm? Dig out an old t-shirt and shorts. Just make sure you stand out for all the wrong reasons.
4. Do sloppy work
Make sure your work is as disorganised as you are. Try to leave out important details or misspell a few words, for example. Even better if you can create more work for someone to fix your sloppiness.
5. Hide your mistakes
When you make a mistake – and you will! – don’t tell anyone. Cover it up and hope nobody discovers it. Definitely don’t do anything to fix it.
6. Make excuses
If someone else finds your mistake, make excuses for why it’s not your fault. Your workload is too heavy; your software is too old – anything to avoid taking responsibility yourself! Nothing should ever be your fault.
7. Point the finger at others
If possible, blame someone else. If it really was their fault, this will still make you look bad in everyone’s eyes for apportioning blame. If it wasn’t, then you’re a liar too. Double score!
8. Run down other people
Go out of your way to point out your colleagues’ flaws to others. This will make sure people distrust you, and when it gets back to the person you’ve been insulting, they’ll have a great reason to resent you.
9. Gossip
While you’re at it, make sure to spread every rumour you can - or even make a few up! Whatever you do, never keep a secret. Eventually, everyone will know they can’t trust you as far as they can throw you.
10.Show up late
Always keep people waiting. Try to arrive late for work at least once a week, and always be the last person into meetings. When you do get there, try to be unprepared. Waste as much of other people’s time as you can.
11. Don’t keep promises
Happily say yes to anything asked of you, and commit to work on unrealistic timescales. When you don’t or can’t meet them, make more excuses. This is a great time to point out that you always thought the timescale was unrealistic.
12.Don’t answer emails
As a rule, avoid answering emails. If you really must answer them, try to wait a few days, at least. By the time you get around to them, you may have avoided whatever the other person needed you to do anyway.
13.Be unreliable
In general, just don’t let anyone rely on you. The less you come through for others, the less they’ll expect of you, until eventually, everyone will realise you’re really of very little use at all.
Follow these top tips to the letter and you too can make sure your career never goes anywhere!
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