In this article, we address each of the four topics and provide three tips on how to improve them.
Credibility
1. Tell the truth This one is fundamental. It seems incredibly obvious, but is surprisingly easy to lapse from. What about when your colleague asks if you followed up with that email you totally forgot about? You could lie, say yes, and do it that very moment. Or, you could admit that you totally forgot but will do it now. This may hurt your Reliability rating, but the day you get discovered as a liar, both your Credibility and Reliability will shatter. Not worth it. 2. Admit when you don’t know something If you don’t know the answer or you don’t remember the solution, just say so. Not only will this allow you to learn and grow, but you won’t be considered a fake who’s wasting people’s time with lies. 3. Admit when you’re wrong Someone who’s never wrong is highly irritating. How can I trust someone if they have so little self-awareness they won’t even consider the fact they’re wrong, or they feel they have to hide it. If they’re hiding that, what else are they hiding? If you truly believe you’re right, ask the other person to explain further. You simply might not have the big picture.
Reliability
1. If you say you’ll do it, do it If you cancel at the last minute, fail to show up, or a miss a deadline, people will instantly wonder if you’ll do it again. You’ve planted that seed. If you make a habit of it, then people will learn that this is your normal behaviour and will instinctively not trust you to follow through with commitments. 2. If you’re meant to do it, do it This basically means, if you’re meant to do something as part of your role at work, do it. Don’t let it slip onto someone else’s plate or try to get away with not doing it. Not only does this frustrate people, it suggests you’re not fully committed. People won’t trust that you can (or will) do your job. 3. Explain your thought process If you’re transparent—if you communicate your intentions and reasons for doing something—you’re giving people a window into who you are. You’re giving them a grounding for trusting what you do because they can understand why you’re doing it.
Intimacy
1. Extend trust to others If you want people to trust you with their honest insights, it may be time to extend an olive branch. Share with them first. Give trust to get it. 2. Include others In some instances, people are happy to share but they feel like they need to be asked. They don’t want to impose, but if they’re invited to participate (in a brainstorming session, a review, or personal conversation) they may be keen to. You’ll get people to share more (and trust you more) if only you’d ask. 3. Watch your reactions If you scoff, dismiss, or laugh at someone else’s idea or contribution, you’ll ruin your chances of trust. If people don’t feel safe being honest around you, they’ll clam up. Try to read people and measure your reactions to how sensitive they are.
Self Orientation
Reducing Self Orientation is about having self-awareness, and putting that awareness into action. It’s remembering that everyone else is just as important as you are. They have a purpose and they have a voice. By listening to that voice you’ll empower them to share and trust. Among other things, this is key to interpersonal relationships, innovation, and progress.
1. Give others a chance to talk
Fundamentally, if you don’t invite others to talk—if you dominate conversation or never ask questions—you’re signaling that you don’t really care about what others have to say. If you’re not inviting people to speak, it suggests you’re happy to do all of the speaking yourself. In short, it suggests you don’t value them.
If you ask people questions, personal or professional, it has the opposite effect. It gives them a chance to enter a two-way relationship, to feel respected, and to have the ability to share and trust.
2. Listen with intent
It’s no good asking questions for the sake of it. Perhaps worse than people who don’t ask questions are those who ask but don’t listen to the answer (or don’t consider it). It’s pure lip service. It makes the person feel like their opinions have been voiced and then totally disregarded. After a while, they won’t contribute at all. They don’t trust you’ll listen.
When you’re in a conversation, don’t just wait for your chance to talk. Seriously regard what the other person had to say, consider it, and maybe even ask another question. People will engage with you (and start to trust you) if they feel like you’re truly listening.
Before you feel like you have to chip in to the next conversation, consider this: will it add value? If not, you’re just doing it to be heard. (As a footnote to this: don’t be afraid of silence. It doesn’t always have to be filled.)
3. Take responsibility for failures
When something goes wrong and you’re partially to blame, the human reaction is often to place blame on others. “Oh, it was more their fault because of XYZ.” Not only will this ruin the trust between you and the people you’re blaming, but it reduces your ability to establish trust with most people who hear it. No-one trusts a blamer because you don’t know what they’re saying behind your back.
Conversely, if you take responsibility for failures, people start to see that you have integrity. You’re honest and transparent, which people can get on board with. Also, they know they won’t get thrown under the bus.
This applies to some obvious situations, for example, if your team misses a deadline. In which case, you’d probably say something like:
“In part, it was my fault we missed the deadline. I thought the team had it under control but I failed to check in with them and offer support” rather than “My team really messed up. I need to speak to them about their work ethic.”
However, there are times when it’s less obvious, for example, when a respectable member of your team fails to complete a task that you assigned to them. You should probably consider (and say) “I failed to explain that clearly” rather than “You completely misunderstood me.”
Conclusion
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