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Building Confidence - Dealing with imposter syndrome

frankquattromani

Do you feel like you wear a mask every time you go to work? Do you feel like you don’t really know what you’re doing? Do you worry that someone will inevitably recognise this and put you out of your misery? If so, you’re probably one of the millions of people worldwide suffering from Impostor Syndrome.


Why does it happen?

It's not just ordinary folks that feel this way, either. Lots of famous people from Jodie Foster and Meryl Streep to Emma Watson and Robert Pattinson, have talked about suffering from Impostor Syndrome. So why do obviously successful people feel like frauds?

There are a number of theories, ranging from having high-achieving parents to internalising the responsibilities of being an eldest sibling. It’s also possible that it simply arises naturally from the situation that you find yourself in after being promoted. You are in a new job, with many new things to learn, and surrounded by more experienced people who all seem to know exactly what they’re doing.

This is known as ‘comparing your inside with everyone else’s outside’, and it’s a problem that has only been magnified by social media. You know how everyone’s life looks amazing on Facebook and Instagram? And you feel inferior/jealous/a failure when you compare it with your own life? That’s because everyone is only showing people the parts they want people to see, and you know your life inside out, warts and all. It’s not a fair comparison.

The problem with Impostor Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome can cause major problems. At the shallow end, it’s likely to cause you stress and unhappiness, but in extreme cases, people can go so far as to actively pass up promotions, or even sabotage their own careers and lives.

So what can you do about it? Again, there are a lot of theories, and the right answer is likely to be individual to each person, but there are a number of things you can try.


Recognise it

The first step is to recognise that you have these feelings, and that this is a real thing many people deal with. The very knowledge that you’re not alone can be a big help. There are TEDx talks and articles all over the internet by talented people talking about their experiences with Impostor Syndrome. Go watch and read them.


Accept it

One interesting idea is to embrace the Impostor Syndrome and thereby remove its power. You could do this by literally writing down your negative thoughts. Getting them out of your head can help, and seeing them physically written down might help you to see how ridiculous they really are.


Be aware of your inner voice

You’ll probably never have a harsher critic than your own brain. It will have you second-guessing yourself and imagining all kinds of ways things can go wrong for you, by highlighting your shortcomings and belittling your achievements. Be aware of it. Recognise when your inner critic kicks in and choose to shut it down. Focus on facts, rather than fears.


Look back

Collate some examples of good work you’ve done or praise you’ve received and keep it together in a file or box, that you can return to when you’re feeling low. This can help remind you of your successes when you need it.


List your strengths

It’s easy to take for granted what you’re good at, so take some time to make a list of your strengths. Ask others what they think your strengths are, too. You may have talents you didn’t even realise were talents, because they seem to come naturally to you – but that doesn’t mean they’re easy for everyone else!


Accept compliments

When someone compliments you, ‘Impostors’ might instinctively deflect the praise, with phrases like “it was nothing”, or reflect the compliment back at the other person: “well, you did a great job on…” But these actions might be keeping those compliments from sinking in. The best reaction is simply to smile and say a genuine “thank you”. Of course, do compliment other people when they deserve it (not just when they’ve complimented you). You could be helping them with their own Impostor Syndrome!

Challenge limitations

Do you ever look at a colleague and think “I’ll never be able to do that?” Well, stop it. You’ve got yourself stuck in a fixed mindset; believing that you can’t learn and grow. Instead, work on adopting a growth mindset, simply by adding the word ‘yet’ to your own thoughts. There’s a big difference between “I can’t do that” and “I can’t do that yet”. You are capable of learning! Ask for help from the people who can do the things you want to learn.


Communicate

Don’t be afraid to ask for help and talk about your feelings with trusted friends and colleagues. Not only can they help you get perspective, but you’ll probably be surprised how many of them feel like they’re just winging it, too.


However you decide to address your own Impostor Syndrome, remember these three things:

  1. Nobody knows everything.

  2. Everybody feels out of their depth sometimes.

  3. You’re learning every day.

Find out more:

  • Margie Warrell, ‘Afraid of Being 'Found Out?' How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome’

  • Joe Kwon, ‘The Cure for Imposter Syndrome is to Admit You Are Right’.

  • Kyle Eschenroeder, ‘21 Proven Ways to Overcome Impostor Syndrome’

  • Martha Edwards, ‘16 Celebrity Quotes on Suffering with Impostor Syndrome’

  • Mike Cannon-Brookes, ‘Impostor Syndrome’

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