Personal Power 

A sense of self-confidence  and  an  inner  knowing  that  you  can  meet  life’s  challenges  and  live  the   life you choose; the ability to have the difficult conversations in life, and to speak your truth quietly, sincerely, assertively and appropriately. 

 

People with this competence: 

• Have a calm inner conviction about who they are and their ability to get the things they want and need in life;

• Believe they can set the direction of their lives, and do;

• Are able to distinguish between the things they have control over in life and those they do not; and  don’t  stress  over  the  latter;

• Define  themselves  from  the  inside  out  (“I’m  capable,”  “I’m  good  at  managing  setbacks,”   “I’m  pretty  good  at  managing  conflicts,”  “I’m  creative”)  rather  than  from  the  outside  in   (“I’m  a  Vice  President,”  “I’m  a  banker,”  “I’m  a  lawyer,”  or  “I’m  a  doctor”);

• Make  things  happen;;  don’t  believe  in  fate;

• Feel in control of their lives;

• Know what they want and go after it;

• Are confident in themselves; and

• Can speak their truth and give voice to their convictions.

 

People lacking this competency: 

• Avoid confrontations with people, even to get a problem resolved or when the confrontation might be best in the long run;

• Have difficulty speaking truth to power;

• Lack confidence in their own judgment;

• Avoid going to the heart of an issue;

• Hesitate to try new things;

• Have difficulty defending their ideas;

• Avoid challenges, give in too readily;

• Question their own ability; often feel powerless;

• Don’t  take  risks  or  chances,  even  moderate  ones; and

• Are unable to set boundaries or demand respectful treatment from others. 

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Development tips: 

• Make  a  list  of  the  things  you’ve  accomplished  in  your  life;;  make  a  sincere  effort  to   recapture the feelings you experienced when you achieved your goals;

• Identify the things you excel in, tap into the emotions associated with those strengths;

• Examine the causes of your lack of confidence or lack of personal power, i.e., a lack of skill in a new position? If so, seek out formal or informal training to boost your confidence. Is it a lack of experience? Seek the help of a mentor who will provide you some guidance; and

• Take an assertiveness course or read a book on assertiveness;

• Become aware of communication circumstances when you put yourself down or use language that suggests powerlessness or a lack of confidence. For example, be aware of allowing  interruptions.  Stop  saying  “I’m  sorry”  frequently.  Stop  the  “uptalk,”  that  rising   inflection at the end of a statement that makes you sound tentative. Become aware of weak  language  such  as  tag  lines  (“this  is  a  good  idea,  isn’t  it?),  and  modifiers  (like   “hopefully,”  and  “I  guess  this  is  a  good  idea,”  or  even  “I’m  just  the  front  desk  person,”  or   “I’m  only  a  beginner”).  Our  language  teaches people how to treat us. If our language lacks power, we are perceived as lacking power and we are treated as lacking power. Enlist the help of a good communication coach to ensure your language has power;

• Set and keep boundaries;

• Move on from failures;

• Identify those circumstances and situations where you can have influence and commit to making an impact in those areas;

• Ask for the information you need;

• Let go and stop trying to control situations over which you have no power; and

• Envision yourself as smart, competent, articulate, poised, and admired.

 

Great Resources: 

• The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships , by Randy J. Paterson, Ph.D; 

• You Can Have What You Want: Proven Strategies for Inner and Outer Success , by Michael Neill;

• Boundaries:  When to Say YES, When to Say NO , and Take Control of Your Life , by Henry Cloud and John Townsend; and

• How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People , by Les T. Giblin 

 

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