Conflict Management

Effectively negotiating and resolving disagreements 

 

People with this competence:  

• Are able to handle difficult individuals and groups of people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact;

• Spot potential conflict, bring disagreements into the open, and help de-escalate;

• Encourage debate and open discussion;

• Draw out all parties, understand the differing perspectives, and find a common ideal that everyone can endorse;

• Orchestrate win-win solutions

 

People lacking this competency:  

• Are uncomfortable with and tend to avoid conflict;

• Lack consideration and tact when voicing disagreement; in fact, often present their arguments in a way that creates hostility;

• Fail to listen to others’ points of view when disagreement arises;

• Cannot seem to find, see, or propose areas of common ground; tend to focus solely and robustly on their own point of view;

• Tend to see others as “opponents” and try to find solutions that serve only themselves;

• Fail to see what part they may play in creating a problem; blame the problem and the conflict on others

 

Development tips:

• When in conflict or heated discussion, become self-aware, in the moment, and focus on the issues rather than personal matters. “Separate the people from the problem”;

• Ask: what can I say or do that will make this a more productive conversation?

• Don’t avoid conflict – it lingers (even festers) and will need to be dealt with sooner or later, and sooner is better and creates fewer hard feelings;

• Be willing to change perspectives and consider a wider range of alternatives and options; resist digging in your heels or putting up walls.  

• Examine your intent when negotiating; deliver your message in a way that doesn’t create hostility and preserves the other person’s dignity (no put-downs, no make-wrongs);

• Be creative, brainstorm, invent options for mutual gain (“expand the pie”)

• Insist on using data or some objective criteria to reach resolution, not emotion

• Be aware of the other person’s emotions in the conflict – they may be feeling angry or fearful. 

• You will get your point across better if you can be responsive to their needs.  

• Bring in a neutral third party if the conflict cannot be resolved. 

 

Great Resources: 

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, by Roger Fisher and William Ury.

Hostage at the Table, by George Kohlrieser 

Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan & Al Switzler

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